The Myth That Relationships Will Complete You

“You complete me” sounds romantic. It plays well in movies. But in real life it causes a lot of pain. If you expect a partner to fix loneliness, fill emptiness, or make you whole, you will always be disappointed. No one can carry that assignment. Turning love into a repair shop sets you both up to fail.

Healthy couples are two whole people choosing to build something together. Each person stands on firm ground with themselves, their values and their identity. That is a core message throughout Making Love Last. The goal is not to find your missing piece. The goal is to bring a full self to the table and invite someone else to do the same.

Why This Matters for Gay Men

For single gay men, the idea of wholeness matters even more. Many of us grew up with secrecy or shame, carrying the sense that we had to earn acceptance. It is tempting to believe that a boyfriend will heal those old wounds. Validation can feel like oxygen.

The problem is that oxygen runs out when the other person is tired, stressed, or simply human. If your sense of worth depends on someone else’s attention, you will always feel unsteady.

Wholeness Is Your Work

Wholeness does not arrive with a wedding ring. It is a practice you build every day.

Happiness is an inside job. Start by creating a life you enjoy on your own. Invest in friendships that feel like home. Protect routines that keep your mental health strong. Learn to soothe yourself when you feel lonely. Pursue interests that have nothing to do with dating.

When you do this, you stop hunting for a rescuer. You begin to look for a teammate, someone who adds richness to a life that is already meaningful. I think Will Smith has put it best in his

U-Tube video You Can Not Make Another Person Happy

How This Changes the Way You Date

When you feel whole, your choices shift.

• You choose partners who respect your boundaries instead of testing them.

• You communicate your needs without apology.

• You walk away when values do not align, even if chemistry is strong.

• You show more generosity because you are not starving for validation.

Dating becomes less about finding someone to fill a gap and more about discovering whether you can create something worthwhile together.

Wholeness Is Not Isolation

Being whole does not mean living behind a wall of independence. It means you can stand on your own feet and still lean in. You can ask for comfort without making it someone else’s full time job. You can receive love without fear that you will disappear inside of it.

Think of it as balance. You and a partner can build a life that neither of you could create alone, yet both of you could survive without. That is love, not dependency.

A Different Kind of Readiness

This shift is liberating. You no longer date from a place of urgency. You date from curiosity. You can take your time because you are not trying to fill a hole. You are looking for a fit.

It also makes you a better partner. When you are grounded in your own life, you bring steadiness instead of need. You can support someone else without losing yourself. You can celebrate his growth without feeling threatened.

Bringing It Back to the Work

Making Love Last shows how two whole people create shared rituals, navigate conflict, and keep connection alive over time. The exercises—defining values, practicing communication, building daily habits—are just as useful for single men as for couples.

Read it now and you will start to recognize the right kind of partnership when you meet it. More important, you will build the skills to keep your own center no matter who comes along.

Because the truth is simple: a healthy relationship complements your life; it does not complete it.

Buy The Book Here

Dr Steve May