I am back in London this week, tucked beside a fogged window in a Soho café, watching people dodge puddles and armfuls of shopping bags. London in December is a little sentimental and a little chaotic. Lights are strung across narrow streets. A busker is trying out carols that are not quite in tune. I am here on my own this trip. Al and I will be back together next month to see the Christmas lights. That small space between us is not a problem. It is a reminder. The holidays

Touch, aging, and body confidence for gay male couples I am going to be 75 in a few months and Al, my husband, is 81.  The plumbing just doesn’t work the way it did when we were 23 and 29 when we first met. It’s easy for each of us to get caught up when we look in the mirror and think “where did that person go when.”  Hair. Belly. Lines around the eyes. Then I laugh because so many of the men I see in therapy are going through the same thing. We want and need is touch. We jus

I am headed to a gay book fair today and I am excited to share this work with a wider crowd. I know I will get the same question I always hear: “Why should I get this book?” Fair question. It also pokes at a myth that bugs me. I ask someone about their “long term” relationship and they say seven to ten years or less, as if that is the ceiling. That sells us short. Look closer and you will see plenty of gay male relationships that last many years. Among couples who make a clea

A 51-year love story, a practical plan, and zero pressure Last Saturday night I was thinking about the early days of our relationship , I was remembering when we could not keep our hands off each other night and day. That memory is fifty years old. That moment cracked something open. The flame was not gone. It was banked under to-do lists longer than a CVS Receipt. It just needed air. Let us get real. Desire slows for ordinary reasons. Stress. Mismatched libido. The same sc

(from the blog series inspired by   Making Love Last )* Yesterday morning, Al refilled my coffee without saying a word. Two seconds. No music swelled, no cinematic lighting, no deep eye contact. Just a small, quiet act of care. He slid the mug closer, then went back to reading. That tiny moment hit me harder than any romantic gesture ever could. It reminded me how easily we overlook the ordinary, the daily ways love shows up. We say we want connection, passion, and intimacy.

Some conversations can shake a relationship’s foundation or strengthen it. In Rethinking Monogamy Conversations,  I share how couples can talk about evolving agreements with honesty and calm rather than fear. It’s late afternoon in Palm Springs. The weather is slowly turning cooler and we can even have the windows open now, that strange hour when the desert light turns gold and quiet. The air conditioner hums like a meditation bell. I’m sitting at my desk finishing notes fro

Why authenticity starts with getting clear on what matters most Last Thursday afternoon my husband and I just completed filling out a new...

Returning to work after 13 months off After 13 months off on sabbatical, there’s a lot to reflect on. I called it a sabbatical rather...

Al, my husband, and I just finished re-watching Alan Downs’ ten-part lecture series on overcoming shame-based trauma, based on The Velvet...

Al, my husband, and I just finished re-watching Alan Downs’ ten-part lecture series on overcoming shame-based trauma, based on The Velvet...

“You complete me” sounds romantic. It plays well in movies. But in real life it causes a lot of pain. If you expect a partner to fix...

Reflections From A Gay Men's Recovery Retreat I just came back from a gay men’s recovery retreat where the topic of dating and sex came...

This past Sunday I had a long conversation with a friend of mine and he asked me, “I need a book for single men who are looking for a...

“Reentry is where love gets tested, not because something’s wrong, but because you’ve both changed.”   It’s the end of my first week back...

It’s Thursday morning, August 14th. I’m sitting in the United Club at Heathrow, watching planes taxi in the early morning overcast sky,...

It’s week one of my Kadampa Buddhist retreat here in northern England. The countryside is green and peaceful, and the silence is slowly...

I’ve been at my Kadampa Buddhist retreat in northern England now for six days. I’ve seen so many friends from past years and met a lot of...

It’s a clear, sunny morning in London after three days of off-and-on rain. Yesterday, I rode on the Underground with Al to the airport...

It’s our last weekend together in London, and Al and I have are getting close to leaving “Tourist Mode”. We have ridden the Underground...

London Check-In: Tourist Week with Al It’s tourist week here in London. Al arrived last Saturday, and we’ve hit the ground running ever...