Why strong couples still need friends, interests, community, and a life beyond the relationship September 21, 2026 One of the most romantic ideas we are handed about love is also one of the least useful: that the right person should be everything. Your best friend. Your confidant. Your travel companion. Your social life. Your emotional support system. Your favorite person to have dinner with, go to the movies with, complain to, celebrate with, exercise with, and grow old with

Sometimes the most important touch is the one that is not asking for anything There are touches that ask a question. A kiss that may be leading somewhere. A hand on a shoulder that says, “Can we talk?” An embrace after an argument that quietly asks, “Are we okay?” And then there is another kind of touch. It does not ask for anything at all. A hand resting on your partner’s back as you pass him in the kitchen. Sitting close enough on the sofa that your legs touch. A kiss on th

Why purpose does not have to be identical to strengthen a relationship September 14, 2026 One of the quiet traps in a long relationship is the belief that the closer we become, the more alike our lives should look. We share a home, friends, routines, money decisions, vacations, family responsibilities, and often a social identity as a couple. Over time, it can become easy to confuse closeness with sameness. But a strong relationship still needs two lives inside it. I was remi

Sometimes the most important touch is the one that is not asking for anything By Dr. Steve May, PhD | September 10, 2026 There are touches that ask a question. A kiss that may be leading somewhere. A hand on a shoulder that says, “Can we talk?” An embrace after an argument that quietly asks, “Are we okay?” And then there is another kind of touch. It does not ask for anything at all. A hand resting on your partner’s back as you pass him in the kitchen. Sitting close enough on

Why affection, laughter, and lightness belong in a strong relationship Somewhere along the way, adulthood becomes terribly serious. There are bills to pay, work to finish, appointments to keep, parents or friends to worry about, health decisions to make, and a household that apparently refuses to run itself. Couples can become very competent at managing all of it. And then one day you realize you have become excellent business partners. That is not the same thing as being lov

Most couples know they are supposed to communicate. Fewer couples remember that communication is not only for solving problems. One of the most useful things two people can do for a relationship is remain genuinely interested in each other. That sounds simple, but long relationships make it surprisingly easy to stop asking. We begin to assume we already know the answer. We know what he likes, what he worries about, what he wants sexually, what he thinks about money, where he

Why curiosity may be one of the most loving habits in a long relationship There is a particular kind of loneliness that can happen even inside a loving relationship: the feeling that the person who knows your history has stopped being curious about who you are now. Long-term couples know a great deal about each other. We know the stories, the habits, the preferences, the old wounds, the family characters, the foods he will never order and the joke he is about to tell before h

Why Strong Relationships Need More Than Two People One of the myths we carry about love is that a strong couple should be able to meet almost all of each other's emotional needs. It sounds romantic. I am not sure it is especially healthy. A good relationship needs intimacy, loyalty, honesty, affection, and time together. But it also needs air around it. Friends. Family. Chosen family. Neighbors. Colleagues we still care about. A recovery community. People we laugh with. Peopl

One of the most reassuring feelings in a relationship is knowing that when life gets difficult, the person beside you is not another problem you have to manage. He is your partner in facing the problem. That sounds obvious. In practice, it is surprisingly easy to forget. A stressful week arrives. One partner is worried about work. The other is tired, distracted, or dealing with something of his own. A family issue appears. Money gets tight. Someone is not sleeping well. Befor

Why anticipation deserves a place in a lasting relationship There is a question I wish more couples asked each other, especially couples who have been together a long time: What are we looking forward to together? Not what needs to be fixed. Not what is on the calendar because somebody has to do it. Not where the relationship is going wrong. What are we genuinely looking forward to? It sounds almost too simple to matter. I do not think it is. When a relationship is new, antic

Why Anticipation Deserves A Place In A Lasting Relationship There is a question I wish more couples asked each other, especially couples who have been together a long time: What are we looking forward to together? Not what needs to be fixed. Not what is on the calendar because somebody has to do it. Not where the relationship is going wrong. What are we genuinely looking forward to? It sounds almost too simple to matter. I do not think it is. A Relationship Needs a Future, Ev

Why tiny daily choices matter more than grand gestures Most of us have been taught to notice the big moments in a relationship. The first date. The anniversary. The trip you planned for months. The hard conversation that finally changed something. Those moments matter. But after more than fifty years of loving the same man, I have come to believe that the real life of a relationship happens somewhere else. It happens on an ordinary Tuesday. It is the way you say good morning.

Why Play Humor, And Affection Keeps Love Alive When people talk about building a strong relationship, the conversation usually turns serious very quickly. We talk about communication, trust, conflict, vulnerability, sex, money, and the work of repairing old wounds. All of that matters. But after more than 50 years with my husband, Al, I have learned something equally important: a relationship cannot live on problem-solving alone. It also needs joy. Joy is not a luxury added a

Most couples believe their biggest problems are the things they argue about. Money. Sex. Family. Work. Time. Chores. Trust. But sometimes the greatest distance in a relationship is created by what never gets said. It may be the fear that your partner is losing interest in you. The shame you feel about your body. The loneliness you have been carrying. The anger you are afraid will sound unreasonable. The worry that you are becoming less important in your partner’s life. Instea

There are many ways to get lost in your own life. You can get lost in a relationship. You can get lost in addiction. You can get lost in success, busyness, distraction, care-giving, resentment, fear, or trying to be the version of yourself that other people are most comfortable with. Sometimes you can even get lost while looking perfectly fine from the outside. That is one of the more painful truths about being human. We do not always disappear all at once. More often, we dri

Gay Pride Month is often celebrated in public. There are parades, flags, parties, community events, drag shows, speeches, concerts, and plenty of rainbow merchandise that may or may not have been approved by the gay committee. And all of that matters. Visibility matters. Celebration matters. Community matters. But for gay couples, Pride also has a quieter, more intimate meaning. Pride is not only something we celebrate in the streets. It is something we practice at home. It s

Why money fights are rarely just about money I’ve been thinking lately about how often couples told me, “We keep fighting about money,” as if money itself walked into the room, took off its jacket, poured a drink, and started making everyone miserable. And honestly, sometimes it does feel that way. Money has a strange way of slipping into places where we did not invite it. It sits down at dinner. It shows up in bed. It comes along on vacation. It waits quietly inside conversa

I’ve been thinking this week about a funny little cultural trend that says more about relationships than it probably means to. In England and Wales, “Date My Mate” events have been selling out quickly. Instead of scrolling through profiles, people show up in person while friends pitch them to a room full of possible dates. The whole thing is part comedy, part matchmaking, part “please rescue us from dating apps before we all lose the will to flirt.” The deeper point is this:

Strong relationships aren’t built on grand gestures—they’re built on daily communication habits. The way couples talk, listen, and respond to each other determines whether a relationship thrives or struggles. If you’ve ever wondered how to communicate better with your partner, the answer lies in mastering a few core habits consistently. Insights from Making Love Last: Connection and Communication reinforce that communication is a skill—one that can be learned, practiced, and

Emotional intimacy is the foundation of any strong relationship—but it’s also one of the first things to fade when life gets busy. If you’ve been feeling disconnected from your partner, you’re not alone. The good news? Emotional closeness can be rebuilt with intention and the right strategies. Books like Making Love Last: Connection and Communication highlight that intimacy isn’t lost overnight—it fades gradually, and it can be restored the same way: through consistent, meani