A Friday reflection on love, possibility, and growing together One of the nicest things about loving someone is having a front-row seat to his becoming. Not just the big milestones, like a promotion or a new home, but the quieter changes: a hobby he finally makes time for, the confidence to speak up, a friendship he is nurturing, or a new interest that makes his face light up. When we notice those changes, we get to fall in love with someone who is still growing. And after ye

The good moments deserve a witness. Imagine this. Your partner walks through the door and says, ‘You won’t believe what happened today.’ Maybe he received a compliment at work. Maybe a friend called with an invitation. Maybe he finally did something he’s been putting off for months. He’s smiling. He wants to tell you. And you say, ‘That’s nice,’ without looking up from your phone. Nothing terrible has happened. There’s no argument to repair. But a little opportunity has slipp

There are few sounds I enjoy more than two men laughing so hard that neither can finish a sentence. Not the polite chuckle we offer when someone tells a joke we've heard before, but the kind of laughter that takes over the room. One man starts, the other catches it, and for a moment whatever else is happening in their lives can wait. It reminds me that love is not only about being understood, supported, and cared for. Sometimes it is simply about having someone with whom you

A small invitation to keep discovering the world and each other At some point in a long relationship, you can become remarkably good at running a life together and a little rusty at being astonished by it. You know who picks up the prescriptions. You know how the other man likes his coffee. You know which restaurant he will reject before he even opens the menu. That familiarity is one of the gifts of lasting love. It is also possible to become so efficient at being partners t

October 24, 2026 There is a lovely kind of afternoon that doesn't look impressive from the outside. You have nowhere urgent to be. Nobody needs an answer from you. You wander into a garden, browse a bookstore, or sit in the sunshine longer than you intended. And you notice something surprising: you're enjoying your own company. Not because everything in life is perfect, but because, for this little stretch of time, you feel at home with yourself. I think we underestimate how

Why the everyday work of life can bring two men closer A relationship is not an accounting department. It is a team. Nobody falls in love because a man knows which night the recycling goes out. At least, I hope not. But give two people enough years together, and suddenly the recycling, the grocery list, the dentist appointments, and the mysterious question of who keeps buying paper towels become part of the relationship. We tend to think of love as the romantic

Why anticipation, shared adventures, and small pleasures help love stay alive There is a particular kind of happiness that arrives before anything has actually happened. You book a weekend away, put tickets on the calendar, or decide to try that little restaurant you keep walking past. For the next few days, the pleasure is already there. You talk about where you might go afterward, what you will wear, whether the food will be any good. The event itself may turn out to be won

How a specific word of appreciation can make a good relationship feel even better Most of us are reasonably good at saying thank you when someone hands us a cup of coffee. We are not always quite as good at telling the person we love what his kindness actually means to us. There is a difference between 'Thanks for making dinner' and 'I loved coming home tonight and finding that you had taken care of dinner. I felt looked after.' Both are nice. The second one tells your partne

A small daily practice for treating yourself like someone worth caring about Most of us have a running conversation with ourselves all day long. We comment on how we look, how much we have accomplished, what we should have said, and what we ought to be doing next. Unfortunately, we are not always particularly good company. We encourage friends on difficult days, yet are stingy when the person struggling is us. I have always found that an interesting contradiction. We know wha

Why your partner does not need to share your dream to benefit from it October 5, 2026 One of the quiet fears in a long relationship is that if we start wanting different things, we must be growing apart. One partner wants to travel. The other wants more time at home. One wants to keep working. The other cannot wait to retire. One gets absorbed in volunteering, painting, golf, a new business, grandchildren, politics, gardening, or some completely unexpected obsession that has

Why closeness depends less on how often we talk and more on how safe it feels to tell the truth Couples can talk all day and still miss each other. We can discuss dinner, appointments, the dog, the house, travel plans, friends, family, and what needs to be done before Friday, yet never quite get to the conversation that helps us feel known. The issue is not that these ordinary exchanges are unimportant. They are part of sharing a life. But connection asks for something more t

Why the small shape of an ordinary day matters more than we think September 28, 2026 When people imagine a better relationship, a happier life, or a satisfying retirement, they tend to picture the highlights. The trip. The anniversary dinner. The new house. The day they finally stop working. The dramatic fresh start. But very little of life is a highlight reel. Most of life is Tuesday. It is waking up, making coffee, deciding whether to look at your partner or your phone, fig

Why letting affection, appreciation, and kindness actually reach us matters Most of us spend a fair amount of time thinking about whether our partner is loving us well enough. Is he affectionate? Does he listen? Does he notice what matters to me? Does he make time for us? Those are fair questions. But there is another question I think deserves more attention: How easy am I making it for love to reach me? I am not suggesting that we lower our standards or become endlessly agre

Why strong couples still need friends, interests, community, and a life beyond the relationship September 21, 2026 One of the most romantic ideas we are handed about love is also one of the least useful: that the right person should be everything. Your best friend. Your confidant. Your travel companion. Your social life. Your emotional support system. Your favorite person to have dinner with, go to the movies with, complain to, celebrate with, exercise with, and grow old with

Sometimes the most important touch is the one that is not asking for anything There are touches that ask a question. A kiss that may be leading somewhere. A hand on a shoulder that says, “Can we talk?” An embrace after an argument that quietly asks, “Are we okay?” And then there is another kind of touch. It does not ask for anything at all. A hand resting on your partner’s back as you pass him in the kitchen. Sitting close enough on the sofa that your legs touch. A kiss on th

Why purpose does not have to be identical to strengthen a relationship September 14, 2026 One of the quiet traps in a long relationship is the belief that the closer we become, the more alike our lives should look. We share a home, friends, routines, money decisions, vacations, family responsibilities, and often a social identity as a couple. Over time, it can become easy to confuse closeness with sameness. But a strong relationship still needs two lives inside it. I was remi

Sometimes the most important touch is the one that is not asking for anything By Dr. Steve May, PhD | September 10, 2026 There are touches that ask a question. A kiss that may be leading somewhere. A hand on a shoulder that says, “Can we talk?” An embrace after an argument that quietly asks, “Are we okay?” And then there is another kind of touch. It does not ask for anything at all. A hand resting on your partner’s back as you pass him in the kitchen. Sitting close enough on

Why affection, laughter, and lightness belong in a strong relationship Somewhere along the way, adulthood becomes terribly serious. There are bills to pay, work to finish, appointments to keep, parents or friends to worry about, health decisions to make, and a household that apparently refuses to run itself. Couples can become very competent at managing all of it. And then one day you realize you have become excellent business partners. That is not the same thing as being lov

Most couples know they are supposed to communicate. Fewer couples remember that communication is not only for solving problems. One of the most useful things two people can do for a relationship is remain genuinely interested in each other. That sounds simple, but long relationships make it surprisingly easy to stop asking. We begin to assume we already know the answer. We know what he likes, what he worries about, what he wants sexually, what he thinks about money, where he

Why curiosity may be one of the most loving habits in a long relationship There is a particular kind of loneliness that can happen even inside a loving relationship: the feeling that the person who knows your history has stopped being curious about who you are now. Long-term couples know a great deal about each other. We know the stories, the habits, the preferences, the old wounds, the family characters, the foods he will never order and the joke he is about to tell before h