When Did We Last Say “Wow” Together?
A small invitation to keep discovering the world and each other
At some point in a long relationship, you can become remarkably good at running a life together and a little rusty at being astonished by it.
You know who picks up the prescriptions. You know how the other man likes his coffee. You know which restaurant he will reject before he even opens the menu. That familiarity is one of the gifts of lasting love. It is also possible to become so efficient at being partners that you forget to be explorers.
So here is a question I don't hear couples ask very often: When was the last time the two of you looked at something and said, 'Wow,' at exactly the same moment?
Maybe it was a piece of music that stopped you in your tracks. A sky full of stars. A beautiful building. An aquarium. A drag performer who absolutely brought down the house. Or a little neighborhood you stumbled into on a trip and still talk about years later.
I am not talking about expensive vacations or trying to manufacture some grand romantic event. I am talking about wonder, that delicious moment when the world suddenly feels bigger than the shopping list and the things you have to get done.
There is some interesting research behind this. In two studies published in 2026, people who reported experiencing awe together with a romantic partner also tended to report greater relationship satisfaction and a deeper sense that their relationship was flourishing. The connection remained even when researchers considered a person's general tendency to feel awe and, in one study, shared amusement. These were surveys, not experiments, so they cannot prove that an evening under the stars will improve your relationship. But they point toward something worth trying.
I like the distinction between amusement and awe. Laughing together is wonderful. I would prescribe more of it if prescriptions for laughter existed. But awe has a slightly different flavor. It takes both of you outside yourselves for a moment. Instead of focusing on each other, you turn toward something larger together.
There is another useful finding from a recent daily-diary study. Feeling that you and your partner are having the same subjective experience was associated with better daily relationship quality, even beyond feeling that you are similar people. You don't need identical personalities. Sometimes you simply need to be moved by the same thing.
That is especially interesting to me as a gay man who has spent more than fifty years with the same partner. Gay couples have often had to create their own rituals, communities, and definitions of family. We know something about making a shared world. But a shared world should not become a tiny one.
Wonder gives a relationship more room.
It also changes with age. In your thirties, wonder might mean a spontaneous weekend in a city you've never visited. In your seventies, it might mean hearing a remarkable singer, taking an easy walk somewhere beautiful, or sitting in a museum long enough to notice something you would once have hurried past. The point is not to compete with the younger version of yourself. The point is to remain curious about the life you have now.
If you are single, this matters too. Keep collecting experiences that make you feel awake and interested. A future relationship should add to that life, not be responsible for inventing it from scratch.
For couples, I suggest a very small experiment. Each of you writes down three things that might create a little wonder: something beautiful, something unfamiliar, and something meaningful. Compare lists. Choose one that fits your energy, mobility, and budget. Put it on the calendar within the next two weeks.
And when you do it, don't rush to photograph every second. Look. Listen. Let the moment happen. On the way home, ask each other what surprised you. You may discover that you noticed entirely different things. That's part of the fun.
Long love needs reliability, kindness, and all the unglamorous work of daily life. But it also deserves the occasional reminder that the world is still full of things neither of you has seen.
You don't have to fall in love all over again. Sometimes you just have to remember how good it feels to be amazed together.
Be Well
Dr. Steve May, PhD
Research note: “United in wonder,” The Journal of Positive Psychology (2026), DOI 10.1080/17439760.2026.2704815; Cavallaro et al., Journal of Social and Personal Relationships (2026), DOI 10.1177/02654075261475433.
Dr. Steve May, PhD | Psychologist, Author, Speaker, and Relationship Educator
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